A Bit Of Fun

Practical EXE Jokes
These are all checked 100% Virus Free and totally harmless and intended only for pure fun and laughs. Don't be alarmed at the response you get when running the files. And what ever you do don't PANIC. The Idea is that you get serious laughs from your computer and your friends computers. NO Harm at all actually will happen when you run these. They will however, make quite a few of you out there worry. All files are in .zip. You can rename the files for added fun just as long as they end in .exe

Flash Games
If you are at work and get bored, then these games will give you hours of fun. This is a list of my favourite links. If you are at home, becareful, your time will fly by.

Computer Jokes
Technical Support
Windows Source Code
Pentium Jokes
DOS Jokes

Practical EXE Jokes
Back to Top Technical Support Windows Source Code Pentium Jokes DOS Jokes
You may get an error message when you run any of these programs saying that you need "VBRUN300.dll" Click here to download it and save it anywhere on your hard drive.
Grumpy Birthday Fart! Yes No Trick 3226k
Birthday Fart Lies about age! Yes No Trick 3226k
Good Or Bad This Birthday Yes No Trick 3227k
Good or Bad this Valentine Yes No Trick 3227k
Valentine Cheat Yes No Trick 3227k
Good or Bad this Christmas Yes No Trick 3227k
Grumpy Old Christmas New Year Fart Yes No Trick 3227k
Halloween Witch! Yes No Trick 3226k
Small Manhood Detected! Yes No Trick 3225k
Pirate software detected! Yes No Trick 3242k
Detected computer is stolen! Yes No Trick 3238k
Detected PMS problems! Yes No Trick 3225k
Bad Day turns screen upside down left to right. Trick file  1602k
Do You want some Buttons! Fills screen with loads of buttons. 155,188k
Chart your Hard Drive This looks like it's deleting. 5516k
Free gift from Coke Opens CD Drawer 130,702k
Dos pops in to compete Dos vs Windows 23,489k
Changes your start Menu This is really truly Wicked indeed 135,320k
Play with the Mice Try shooting the two Mice and Watch. Excellent 207,362k
Netscape (Shouts out Loud) that you have been Bad! Wicked 171,515k
Rolls your screen side ways fast Roller an scr file. Wicked 12,522k
Slippery Mouse Wicked and hard to get to cancel 5,208k
Word Pad with it's own mind. Keeps saying I am an idiot no matter what is typed. 6,300k
aol.zip False AOL Chat with interupts too 50,083
Flash Online Games
Back to Top Technical Support Windows Source Code Pentium Jokes DOS Jokes

Butch Mushroom
www.orangegray.com/butch01.html
Use the arrow keys to control Butch Mushroom, Eat as may bugs as possible within the time limit, some are easier to catch than others and they're all worth different points.

Alley Cat
gamescene.com/game.cgi?alleycat
Get your alley cat through the alleys by jumping between the moving platforms and avoiding the ground. Use the keyboard to jump from house to house and remember that unfortunately cat's don't always land on their feet!

Key in the Door
www.stiv.tub.dk/
All you have to do id get the key in the door. The more you keep trying the smaller the hole gets and the more blurred your vision appears.

Fridge Raider
www.makaimedia.com/?gid=36
Keep the fridge stocked by knocking the food out of the ants hands.

City Jumper
www.nationlocation.com/cityJumper.htm
A game that's certainly harder than it looks is city jumper. Using the arrow keys, help the stick man on his way by jumping over the buildings, bridges and various other things that appear in his path. The further along you get the more obstacles appear in your way, and if you don't time it just right he comes to a very bloody end. Ohhhh that had to hurt.

Top of the Crops
www.topofthecrops.com/
We give full marks to whoever came up with the ridiculous idea of making a game about shaving tracks into your hair. You've got to have a steady hand to keep the razor on the various patterns as you shave them into the back of someone's head. There's even a reaction camera so you can see the look on the face of the poor guys who's haircut your butchering.

Fishy
www.xgenstudios.com/fishy/index.htm
If you thought the ocean was a friendly place then think again. It's a fish eat it fish world down there. Take your tiddler and eat as many fish as you can to increase your size. But stay out of the way of anything bigger than you otherwise you'll be fish food yourself.

Conkers
www.nipplecat.com
Possibly the most wonderfully stupid sport ever has made it to the internet. Pick a conker, select how you'd like to treat it, choose from one of the various opponents and take a swing.

Magnum PI
www.nipplecat.com
Throw pies in the faces of strange looking people when they wave at you. Throw as many as you can before the time runs out to get your pie flavour rating.

Disc Golf
www.spillover.com/newsletters/edg/images/
Play Golf with a Frisbee rather than a ball. Aim your disk across the green and try and get it in below par.

Rural Racer
www.gotmilk.com/game/game.html
Use the keys to control the cars and shift to use turbo. For added fun there's a 2 player mode as well.

Neko Balloon
www.gotmilk.com/game/game.html
Guide the kitten on the balloon around the level using the fan. Stay away from the sides and any obstacles and get him in the goal.

Got Milk
www.gotmilk.com/game/game.html
Guide the baby around the house collecting milk and eating cookies. Keep his milk topped up, and eat all the cookies to get to the next level.

Krass Air
www.miniclip.com/baseball.htm
Using the arrow keys circle the plane so that it comes into land on the surprisingly small landing strip.

Baseball
www.miniclip.com/baseball.htm
Pick your batter from the minor or major league players then swing the bat using your mouse.

Lord of the Pies
www.nipplecat.com/index1.html
Pick a friend to play, then get munching. Press the keys as fast as you can to get your player to tuck in to as many pies as possible in the time allowed.

Spaceship
oakenfold.ca/content/spaceship.html
Use the arrow keys to land your spaceship in the target area as gently as possible, believe me this is not easy.

Stoke Park Golf Club
www.richsalter.net/flash_scrapbook_items
Point your ball in the right direction, get the swing and accuracy just right and you might just get the ball near the hole.

Clay Kitten shooting
www.richsalter.net/flash_scrapbook_items/
The rules of Clay Kitten Shooting are simple. Two kittens, two rounds. Blast them out of the sky. OK so it's kind of sick, but don't worry no kittens were hurt in the making of this game.

Tire Toss
hosting.makaimedia.com/highlifter/tiretoss.asp
Chose your preferred tire, then take a long run up and toss it. The best tossers make it on the scoreboard.

Table Tennis
www.shockplay.com/shockplay2/HTML2/#
Play against some pretty hard core Table Tennis masters, and hit the ball back at them using the mouse. Believe me it's not as easy as it looks.

Alien Abduction
www.miniclip.com/alienabduction/alienabduction.htm
Collect up the citizens of this sleepy little town and deposit them in your UFO. Using the keyboard guide the flying saucer around kidnapping and people and cars that you come across.

Milk Run
games.tetrapak.com/milkrunrun.php
Squish bugs with a jumping cow.

Fly Catch
www.wickedintellect.com/flash/games/fly.swf
See how many flies you can catch in the time limit using the mouse, and save them on the handy fly paper.

Conversion Kings
www.playtheball.com/conversionkings/
First chose your player from the line up then and then just kick the ball through the posts. Kick the ball at just the right angle, allowing for the wind, accuracy and power and it will go in. It's as simple as that.

Mowing the Lawn
www.entertainmail.net/category_main.phtml
Using the arrow keys guide the mower around as the grass grows before your eyes, and with the mouse sprinkle the lawn with water as it dries.

Canyon Glider
www.miniclip.com/canyonglider.htm
In Canyon Glider you have to get across the Grand Canyon without crashing whilst picking up extra points by flying through goals. Lookout for vultures and rocks that will knock you off, and it's a long way down to floor.

Mission Mars
www.miniclip.com/missionmars.htm
There only seems to be one mission in Mission Mars and that is to flatten the city with bombs so that you can land your space ship. Just press the Space Bar over the building to drop a bomb and knock off the top few floors.

Seconds of Madness
www.gotoandplay.it/_games/
Jump, duck and dodge your way through the various obstacles that try and block your way.

PGX Snowboarding
www.psychogoldfish.com/content.php?lookup=games
Choose which fearless boarder you want to play as, then send them down the slope, using your keyboard to throw tricks whenever possible.

Football
www.adultswim.com/games/hm_lookalive/index.html
Using the mouse line your player up with the children running across the pitch and then knock them over with the ball.

Jailbird Man
www.adultswim.com/games/birdman_jailbirdman/index.html
Release Harvey's clients from behind bars by leading Harvey around the jail to get the keys using your mouse, the further away from him you push your mouse the faster he goes.

Tennis Ace
wwww.freelunchdesign.com/icytower.shtml
Pick which foxy female tennis player you want to play as, then just hit the ball over the net using your mouse. This game is so simple you might even win.

Icy Tower
wwww.freelunchdesign.com/icytower.shtml
Use the arrow keys and space bar to take your little man as high as you can go with out sliding off the platforms. Jump multiple platforms at a time to increase your points, but be warned the higher you climb the further you fall.

Garage Door Tennis
www.makaimedia.com/?gid=36
Hit the ball against the door using your mouse key until you miss.

Crypt Raider
www.miniclip.com/crypt/cryptraider.htm
The aim of the game is to get the spherical objects into the portal, whilst puzzle-solving the maze and avoiding all obstacles. Once all the balls are in, the way to the next level opens up.

Duck Hunt
wwww.cyberiapc.com/flashgames/duckhunt2.htm
Use the arrow keys to fly the helicopter around the mountain range collecting the various stranded mountain climbers.

Rockface Rescue
www.area29.com/flash/index.php?g=rockface
Use the arrow keys to fly the helicopter around the mountain range collecting the various stranded mountain climbers.

Athlete Game
www.athlete.mu/downloads/game.html
Apparently this game is about a car wash boss who loves balls, walls and competition, because of this he's forcing you to catch and fire balls over a wall. If you don't catch the balls the ground falls away beneath your feet until there's nothing left to stand on.

Bug on a Wire
www.miniclip.com/bug.htm
Using the arrow keys you have to keep your bug on the wires and away from the birds for as long as you can.

Beer Mat
www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/beermat.php
Choose whether you want to play as a bird or a bloke, then flip the beer mat at your chosen speed, catching it before it lands on the table.

3 Foot Ninja
www.miniclip.com/ninja.htm
As if being a Ninja wasn't hard enough as it is. This little chap has to fight off all the bad guys and he's only 3 feet tall. Fortunately for the 3 foot Ninja he seems to be living in a 3-foot world so you just have to fight off the equally little bad guys to win the game. But be warned, they may be small, but they're still deadly.

Tower 13
www.astromanic.com/portfolio/olg/tower.html
For those of you that still pine for those Saturday afternoons spent watching Pamela and co on Baywatch then we've got a game to try and fill that gap. Using the arrow keys send the brave lifeguard into the surf to rescue the damsel in distress, avoiding jellyfish, rays and boats. We don't remember David Hasslehoff using a rubber ring though.

Wonder
rain.prohosting.com/4guitars/arcade/pongling.htm
Fly the little red astronaut around the maze with your mouse, avoiding hitting the various moving obstacles. Crash into them and a bolt of electricity hits your little man and sends him right back to the start of the maze.

Pongling
rain.prohosting.com/4guitars/arcade/pongling.htm
Bounce the ball into the squares to take out the pins. You've got 2 shots at each square and then it closes.

Super Taxi
www.zodamedia.com/supertaxi/start.html
In Super Taxi you have to get you passengers to their destination without hitting 3 or more things.

Top Trumps
www.ysrnry.co.uk/cgi-bin/toptrumps.pl
We love Top Trumps and what better subject matter than our favourite computer games of yesteryear.

Bubble Bees
www.orisinal.com/games/bubble.htm
Use your mouse to make bubbles and catch passing bees in them. Look out for falling alarm clocks that increase your time and red bees that give you extra points.

Kite
www.software.plc.uk/games/kite/index2.htm
Using the arrow keys fly around the skies collecting balloons whilst trying not to crash or get hit by one of the other, rather vicious, kite flyers.

Stars
www.orisinal.com/games/stars.htm
Hold down the mouse on the little girl wondering round the beach to control her jumps and collect stars from the sky with her reflection.

The Final Cut
www.yourchillin.com/game_html/braving.html
If like the rest of us you're bored with the everyday antics on 'The Salon' try heading to this altogether more vicious hairdressers in 'The Final Cut'. Pick your character (most of which sport some "interesting" hairstyles themselves) and set off round the salon chopping peoples heads off. They then turn into a strange "Cousin It" type character and you have to get them again.

Guardian Angel
www.yourchillin.com/game_html/braving.html
For those of you that like your games slightly less cute and colorful take a look at the strangely serene Guardian Angel. Using you mouse guide the beautiful angel around the level freeing all the kids trapped there, whilst avoiding the evil looking giant spiders and bugs.

Foosball
www.yourchillin.com/game_html/braving.html
We all love foosball, and this is the best online simulation of it we've seen. You all know the rules so we're not going to bother telling them to you, just grab the men with your mouse and swing at the ball. Just like in real life this game is simple, but satisfying.

Braving the Elements
www.yourchillin.com/game_html/braving.html
An evil Auntie has mesmerised the typographic world and left pixels lying abandoned in the fields, and you have to collect them whilst avoiding sheep and other stuff that runs around.

Pixel Hugger
www.pixelhugger.com/play.php?f=1
An evil Auntie has mesmerised the typographic world and left pixels lying abandoned in the fields, and you have to collect them whilst avoiding sheep and other stuff that runs around.

Guardian Angel
www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=85620
Using you mouse, guide the beautiful angel around the level freeing all the kids trapped there, whilst avoiding the evil looking giant spiders and bugs.

Spacerunner
www.karn.nu/spacerunner.html
Jump over, under or through the obstacles as you run through space.

Udder Insanity
www.sikids.com/games/rooftop/rooftop.html
Stop your cows getting too fat and bursting everywhere by emptying them regularly. One things for sure these cows are producing a lot of milk, so you better get pumping.

Rooftop Skater
www.sikids.com/games/rooftop/rooftop.html
Get points by keeping the skater on the rooftops and pulling some cool tricks using the arrow and spacebar keys.

Rigelian Hotshots
www.miniclip.com/rigelianhotshots.htm
We here at SFG were very excited to see the 2000AD inspired 'Rigelian Hotshots' pop up on the miniclip game website. However a distinct lack of effort shows in this pretty lame excuse for a spin off. You move the fireball through the caves taking out thrillsuckers on the way! Not very inspiring, the developers must try harder next time please.

Hub Lo
www.hublo.com/
Hub lo is a little robot on a big mission, he has to jump up to the top of the laboratory before the time runs out. Using the arrow keys jump from platform to platform without falling or running into any of the other robots patrolling the building. This is more difficult than it looks, but the more you fall down the more determined you are to get to the top. You could waste hours convincing yourself it can't be that hard. Believe us we know.

Kingsley and the Tasty Cattle
www.steak.com.au/games/feedme/game.htm A heat wave has hit Australia and the cattle are dying off. This doesn't bode well for Kingsley Smith's restaurant, which serves only the best quality meat. He needs to get some healthy cattle on the plate by dropping cattle feed to them from Mr. Smith's air ship. Keep as many of the cattle alive as possible so that Mr. Smith has some juicy ones to serve up. Mmm, I'll have mine with fries.

Rabbit Killer
www.steak.com.au/games/fish/game.htm
It looks like those pesky rabbits have been putting holes in your meadow so load up the catapult and take them out before they get to safety.

Catch of the day
www.steak.com.au/games/fish/game.htm
Use the arrow keys to drive your motor boat around the sea looking out for schools of fish, then just cast you line and wait for them to bite.

Fleabag vs. Mutt
www.romeodesign.com/
Take control of Mutt as he throws his lunch at Fleabag and make sure to get the momentum just right so that it hits him square on.

Hidden Tetris
www.weaselcircus.com/games/tetris.shtml
We here at SFG encourage skiving, which is why we love this game from Weasel Circus so much. It may look like you're busy number crunching but really your playing Tetris! Don't worry, we won't tell if you won't.

Fling the Cow
www.flingthecow.com/flash/
Throw this happy looking heifer into the target by holding the catapult down and letting rip. Keep Daisy in the target and get yourself up on the scoreboard. There's even a farmer close at hand to dispense some milk of human kindness.

Cosmopilot
freeg.yo.lv/
Zoom around in zero gravity collecting pieces for your rocket, then fill it up with fuel and you're off - as far as the next level at least. Then you get to do it all over again.

Glasgow Rugby
www.showsyertackle.com/
Using your mouse, take control of the player and utilise his full force to knock down your opponent. The correct timing will depend on how hard you hit your rival, so get those wrists warmed up and give him your best tackle.

Zed
www.miniclip.com/zed.htm
Zed is an android, and apparently all androids have the same goal, to own a space suit made entirely of gold - duh! Guide the fashion conscious alien around the various levels collecting gold and avoiding the various vicious monsters, sharp spikes and fatal flames.

Walking the Tightrope
www.contractedwork.com/pport/p7675/ropeP.swf
Keep the clown on the high wire by scaring off any birds that try to perch on his rod and knock him off balance. The further you get along the rope, the more these pesky pigeons will try and put you off.

Tactics Core
www.ark51.com/TacticsCore/TCDemo.html
In this impressive looking 3D RPG you have to use your brain to defeat the computer. Each character has different strengths and abilities and you must position them around the board using their abilities to wipe out your opponents. But remember to pay attention, as the characters soon get all tangled together and before you know it, you're running your Shadow Blade through a member of your own team.

Detonator
www.miniclip.com/detonator.htm
This bomb disposal expert looks suspiciously like a type of sugar coated chocolate to us. Using the arrow keys, guide him around and detonate the bombs. Watch out for the pitfalls like crumbling floors, slippery surfaces and, of course, those exploding bombs.

Oggy Fries
www.sess.net/media.php?proj_id=74&action=play
Help Oggy protect his lunch from the rather ugly cockroaches trying to steal his chips by squashing them with his fists.

Congestion Charge
www.sess.net/media.php?proj_id=74&action=play
Drive your van around the city using the arrow keys, but be careful not to run into other traffic or, more importantly, the congestion charge radars. Try not to get caught as you make you deliveries all over town.

Dance Step
www.sess.net/media.php?proj_id=74&action=play
Join the flamboyant Andy Hui as he attempts to get you in the mood for dancing with his Dance Step game. Simply press the arrow keys as the corresponding arrow comes down and Andi will shake his thang along with the music.

Sea Strike
www.sess.net/media.php?proj_id=74&action=play
Float around this particularly hazardous section of the ocean shooting enemy submarines, ships and planes to complete each level. Take care to dodge the torpedoes and falling explosives whilst collecting air from the various fish swimming about.

The New Iron Mike's Punchout
www.tritonweb.com/games.php
Using the keyboard you need to land some good punches to get your opponent out for the count, and watch out for their special moves that will have you seeing stars for a week!

Candyman
www.rudeplay.com/candyman.htm
Guide the sweet little childlike like character through his cartoon-coloured levels collecting the balls that open up the gateway into the next level. Watch out for spikes and bad guys that throw things at you.

Monster Sumo
www.monstermafia.com
Pick which cartoonish cretin you want to be, then head to the pool. Using the arrow keys you must push your opponent out of the area three times to get to the next level.

Starship Eleven
www.miniclip.com/starshipeleven.htm
The arrow keys send your starship hurtling through space, so watch out for jagged rocks or enemy spaceships. Navigate yourself through the caves picking up energy, fuel and ammo along the way.

Food Frenzy
www.globz.net
It's feeding time at the farm and it's up to you to keep everyone happy by making sure that they get the food that's meant to eat.

Bugbuster
www.smiliegames.com/bugbuster/index.php3
It's a familiar story in the SFG office, invading microchips, resistors and electrical surges are crashing the computers. Finally we have a chance to get our own back with Bugbuster. This inventive take on Space Invaders lets you take your revenge on the bugs and gremlins by blasting them to pieces.

Sheepish
www.miniclip.com/sheepish
Sheepish is miniclip's version of Frogger. Using the arrow keys steer your sheep safely through the traffic and across the river into the safety of their pens. The more sheep you save the faster the cars come so make sure your fluffy little lamb doesn't end up as a road kill.

Stick RPG
www.xgenstudios.com/srpg/game
Walk stickman around the town keeping him healthy and rested. The aim of the game is to keep your money, charm and strength high. Now you can do this by going to college, getting a honest job and hitting the gym, or, you can hit the blackjack tables at the casino followed by a bar room brawl at Sticky's Liquor.

Barny Minesweeper
juniorsenior.dk/game.htm
If you've ever wanted to see this particular purple dinosaur jumping on high explosive then this is the game for you. Use your mouse and click on the square that you want him to jump into, guiding him safely across the minefield without getting him blown to smithereens. Now remember the point of the game is NOT to get him blown up, but we defy you not to get a certain amount of satisfaction in seeing the cute little thing being blast into several pieces.

Junior Senior
juniorsenior.dk/game.htm
Go back to a pre-gameboy world to play Junior Senior. Move the squirrel through the various levels collecting the sticks of dynamite and getting rid the various birds and members of the undead by throwing acorns at them. This game is certainly intriguing, and if anyone out there can work out why a helmet-wearing squirrel needs dynamite, or why zombies and birds would want to stop him getting at it, then please let us know.

Barwars
www.smiliegames.com/barwars/index.php3
The Martians in this bar are a thirsty lot! Using the arrow keys to move along the bar and the spacebar to pour, keep all the glasses topped up and off the floor. Look out for extra points in the form of tips left on the bar and mini games in between levels. And beware, if they don't get their drink these Martians are mean!

Toaster
www.wheelhousecreative.co.uk/pages/flash.html
Pick up the plate and hover around the breakfast table collecting the toast as it pops up. If you manage to keep your stack high and steady, you could win a coveted Totally Toast Crumb.

Longbow
filip.stir.org/games/longbow
Take control of your archer as he sees off the knights with a swift arrow to the head or torso. But beware, send your arrow off in the wrong direction and you have to wait for it to fly off screen whilst the knights take their revenge.

Challenge Racing
www.titoonic.dk/products/games/racing/default
Chose from 3 different cars and tracks then pick your opponent from the list of top drivers and race their ghost car around the track to beat their score.

Top Secret Kids Interface Escape
www.superdudes.net/games/interface_escape/pop.php
Interface Escape is an addictive game that will have you shouting and swearing at you computer all day. Get Top Secret Kid from platform to platform by moving the mouse over the radar unit and clicking to launch him into space. Over jump and you can use the radar's guide to hone your aim the next time.

Toboggan Jump
www.superdudes.net/games/interface_escape/pop.php
This wintry little game comes from the people at Wedu. The idea is simple, press the red button until you have enough power to get the sled off the ramp and through the hoop. However this game is a lot more fun if you miss occasionally. See the little men go flying as you accidentally send them head first into the snow, or better yet charred to a crisp as you fly into the burning hoop.

Electro Air Hockey
www.electrotank.com/games/playGames.asp?gameID=34
Electrotank have made a stylish sim for air hockey enthusiasts everywhere. You chose from one of the dramatic looking characters to play in the tournament and use your mouse to control the bat. And, well, it's a simple as that really. Get the disk into the goal more times than they do. Very addictive, but a little bit annoying!

Mrs Pacman
www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/java/mspacman.html
Plutonium Software has dreamt up a new twist on Pacman - they've turned her into a lady. So in turn renaming the game to Mrs Pacman. What's the difference.er.. well some red lippy and a lovely bow to go onto her pie shaped head.

Mars Patrol
www.miniclip.com/patrol.htm
Stranded on Mars your mission is to locate and destroy all Martian lifeforms!!

Monkey Lander
www.totebo.com/monkeylander/
Fly the cute looking simian through the maze to get to the landing site. Pick up the fruit on the way to obtain bonuses and fuel. And beware to land on the platform as gently as possible.

Neighbour Wars: The Fruit Loot
www.titoonic.dk/products/games/fruitloot/default.html
Spy through the hole of your neighbours fence grab the tree and shake vigorously to collect the apples growing on his tree. These shenanigans go on for many days - so you can't blame your neighbour for getting infuriated.

Last Xmas 2
www.miniclip.com/Flash/lastxmas.htm
Help Santa defeat the evil aliens and save Christmas!!

Cyborg Hefers From Outer Space
spiritonin.com/interactive/games/jetgame.html
In the near future technologically superior aliens have arrived on earth and decided to surgically alter livestock, changing them into deadly cybernetic killing machines.

Santa Sledding
www.miniclip.com/sledding.htm
Guide Santa's sled down the hill picking up presents, stocking and cookies on the way.

Spank the Frank
www.miniclip.com/frank.htm
Safely spank the penguins into the floating baskets to score points!!

Western
www.miniclip.com/western.htm
Take out the criminals in this cowboy shoot out!!

Techno Justice
www.bubbletoonia.com/game/technojustice.html
Enjoy explosive actions in this exciting arcade game.

4x4 Extreme Rally
www.lego.com/eng/offroaders/game/game.asp
Race your 4x4 Off Roader across the map. Earn credits with fast times, then use those credits to upgrade your 4x4.

Dropoff
www.mohsye.com/enter.htm
Ever fancied snowboarding off the edge of a cliff? Now you can in Dropoff... the virtual cliff drop. Pull off tricks as you tumble towards the ground... just don't land on your head!

Boom Boom Vollyball
www.mohsye.com/enter.htm
It's Candi v's Missy in a game based on Volleyball, with a twist. Play against the computer of a friend on the same keyboard.

Monkey Diving
www.mohsye.com/enter.htm
Travel to the sunny shores of Monkeypulco where you must guide the monkey team of expert divers to the top of their class in Monkey cliff diving. Errrr. Well you've got to stop them from splatting anyway.

Monkey Curling
www.mohsye.com/enter.htm
This is your chance to relieve the fifth Monkey curling championship held in 1986. Five Monkeys, one gorilla and an influence chair. Don't ask just play.

GMX Skateboarding
www.gmaxskateboarding.com/game.asp
A Flash game from Grey Digital. If you learn to play the game it is hard to stop. See you on the highscore list.

Stan Skates
www.miniclip.com/stan.htm
Skate around the mean streets, avoiding obstacles and pulling tricks!

Panik
www.miniclip.com/panik.htm
Guide Panik through the levels collecting bombs.

Trapshoot
www.gamesarcade.net/trapshoot/trapshoot.asp
In the ten rounds of shotgun mayhem you can choose to shoot clay pigeons, chickens or beer cans. Happy hunting!

Defenders
www.miniclip.com/defenders.htm
Compete over 10 rounds in this classic fighting game!!

Cranky Crabs
www.orisinal.com/games/crab.htm
Knock out the cranky crabs with your yo-yo.

Aqua Energizer
www.miniclip.com/aqua.htm
Guide Nemo through the underwater labyrinth!!

The Perilous Voyage
www.orisinal.org/games/voyage.htm
Set sail and prepare yourself for the dangers of the dark sea.

Table Tennis
www.miniclip.com/tabletennis.htm
Take on 3 of the worlds best players in this amazingly realistic table tennis game!!

Penguin Arcade
www.miniclip.com/penguin.htm
Knock the penguins back into their pool!!

Samurai Warrior
www.miniclip.com/samurai.htm
Choose one of six warriors and battle your way to victory.

Battleships
home.iae.nl/users/franklin/battleships/
Traditional computer battleships.

Cult Trumps
www.bbc.co.uk/cult/quiz/trumps/cult/index.shtml
Tops Trumps with your favourite BBC characters.

Acno's Energizer
www.miniclip.com/acno/acno.htm
The best game on the Internet!!

Desert Warrior
www.stronghold-game.com/extras/extras.htm
Test your archery skills in this great little minigame. You'll have to master your arrows trajectory in the numerous tournaments if you want to win the fair maidens hand. Good luck!

Stress Release Paintball
www.miniclip.com/paintball.htm
Zap the smiley faces with your paintball gun to score points.

Webwar
www.freearcade.com/Webwar.jav/Webwar.html
Move the space ship through the tunnel killing the yellow cubes!

Midway Classics
www.midway.com
Classic games including Defender and Spy Hunter.

Sniper
www.miniclip.com/sniper.htm
Take out the terrorists at the Dutch embassy in Paris.

Hero Machine
www.ugo.com/channels/freestyle/heroMachine/
With one click of your mouse, you will be able to create your superhero or fantasy alter-ego.

Diego Maradonae
www.diegomaradona.com/juegos/ftenis.html
Help Maradona keep the ball in the air.

League Bowling
www.miniclip.com/league.htm
The best bowling game we've ever played.

Tank Commando
www.scene360.com/xtra/InDetail/04_tank/
Steer your tank over the mines shooting the enemy along the way.

Cable Capers 2
www.miniclip.com/cable.htm
Help Arnold escape from the underground sewer complex.

Crab Ball
www.spikything.com/games/crab-ball/
Volley Ball playing crabs!

Virtual Curling
www.miniclip.com/curling.htm
Go for Olympic gold in this fun curling game.

Swordsman
www.orisinal.org/games/swordsman.htm
Guide the swordsman, killing enemies and watch out for death stars.

Keyball
www.globz.net/keyball/
Just shoot the ball into the opposite goal to win. Play against the computer or someone else on the same keyboard.

World Cup Soccer 2002
www.miniclip.com/football/start.html
Excellent world cup game will all teams!!

Xiao Xiao
www.red-east.net/www/flash/xiaoxiao/9.htm
Fight with Stick Man.

Starship Seven
www.miniclip.com/starshipseven.htm
Starship seven is lost in space, and needs to find the way home.

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support
Back to Top Technical Support Windows Source Code Pentium Jokes DOS Jokes

"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning label.

Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.

Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above
A: Number 4.

Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM

9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362 It's the new math
7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998 The Errata Inside

I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.

Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .

Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.

Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.

Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .

Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.

Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0

Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .

Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.

Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.

Some people have hacked into Microsoft and stolen their Windows XP code and here it is. I am sure that they would love any improvements for the next version.

 

#include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

main()
{
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);

set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right \
or just call it Chicargo)\n");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}


Back to Top Technical Support Windows Source Code Pentium Jokes DOS Jokes